During prayer, the Lord showed me the following: I was walking down a long, white corridor with doors on both sides. I then stood in front of a door with a golden nameplate on it. As I focused on the name, I saw that the name the Lord called me by, was etched into the golden plate. I turned the large, golden doorknob and as the door slowly swung open, I cautiously stepped inside. I found myself in a small, square room with shelves against the walls, filled with books from top to bottom and immediately I was curious about the books. I focused on the spines of the books and saw that each book had a certain date engraved on it. As I focused on the first book that were in the right corner of the lower shelf, I saw that the date indicated the day of my earthly birth and the books followed each other according the dates. My curiosity led me to take certain books from the shelf, reading a passage here and there and I realised with a shock that these books told the story of my life. What striked me about the books, was the different shades of colour, as the first few books (that marked the beginning of my life on earth) were soft colours, but as time went by, the softer colours changed to more extravagant colours. Suddenly the extravagant coloured books were interrupted by a few depressing, dark grey books, but as time went by, the colours of the books slowly changed back to normal colours.
The Lord explained to me that every step I took in my life, was recorded in these books. The soft-coloured books indicated the time when I was a little, innocent girl. As time went by, my own will started to develop which resulted in books with more extravagant colours. During my teenage years I decided for myself that I no longer wanted to be the innocent girl with soft coloured books, so I made the decision to change into who I wanted to be. The bright coloured books instantly turned into depressing, dark grey coloured books, and without looking at the dates of these books, I instinctively knew what period it indicated… A few weeks after I turned 16, my father suddenly died at the young age of 44 of a heart attack. A few months later my mother remarried… it felt like my whole world collapsed down on me, I was heartbroken, sad and alone. I was just a child who did not know Jesus, a child that didn’t realise that life was not about living for myself, but that we have a certain purpose in life. I became a bit rebellious and I hurt a lot of people that I regret to this very day. All those ugly stuff were written down in the grey books on the shelf and I was so embarrassed by it that I did not even wanted to browse through those books…
I focused on the books that followed the grey books and luckily the colours of the books started to brighten up again, especially the time when I met my husband – the time I discovered human love. The beautiful bright books followed one another as we were blessed with our three sons. A beautiful book with a golden hue followed, and I instinctively knew it had to be the year that I developed a yearning towards the Lord, seeking Him with everything in me; the time I surrendered my heart to my Creator… what a wonderful time when I found God’s Love… and then the disappointment… no more gold shaded books followed, but rather a row filled with dark black books, almost different shades of black. When I saw those black books, I immediately knew what period it indicated and I sank sobbingly to my knees. It was still too painful to see those books, so much hatred and anger was recorded in those books. How ironic it was… just when I found the Lord in my life and handed my heart over to Him, it was as if we stepped into a wolf’s den. The wolves surrounded us and tried to tear us apart as family and the most shocking of it all, is that the leader of the pack was a pastor. If I could, I’m sure I would have killed that pastor. I couldn’t understand how God could allow it… a preaching, praying pastor that cast out demons in the name of God, a person praying and healing people… and the next moment she turns into something worse like a witch… hurting and abusing children and adults on various ways, always lying her way open and doing all these evil stuff hiding behind the Name of the Lord. I was in turmoil with the Lord and I couldn’t understand how He could allow it, I had a thousand questions with no answers. The years that followed were terribly emotional, but as time went by, I made the decision to let go of all my questions but instead giving it to the Lord. Eventually the black books began to turn into beautiful, silver and golden books that even started to shine… This is when I found the Lord in my pain and surrendered my free will to Him…
A few weeks later, the Lord took me back to the small room that was filled with stories of my life; everything looked the same, except that this time there was a small, round table in the middle of the room and on top of the table lay a very large, thick book covered in leather. As I stepped towards the book, I noticed the shiny golden pages and although I was very curious about the content of the book, I didn’t dare to touch or pick it up. Standing very close to the book, I saw my name engraved on the cover – not my worldly name, but the name that the Lord called me by. What fascinated me, was that this book looked so much different from the books on the shelves as it was much bigger and the pages seemed as if it glowed. Slowly I opened the book and the following Scripture stood on the first page:
“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart for my holy purpose.” Jeremiah 1:5 (GWT)
I was so surprised and in awe that tears rolled down my cheeks as I began to scroll through the book… According to Scripture, this book about my life was written by God long before I was even born. God planned His children’s lives in advance…
“You saw who You created me to be before I became me! Before I’d ever seen the light of day,the number of days You planned for mewere already recorded in your book.” Psalm 139:16 (TPT)
Long before our birth, the Lord had everything planned for our lives. He determined the number of our days… He decided which day we would be born and which day we would take our last breath. He decided the amount of pages of our Life-book. It amazes me to think that the Lord has planned everything in advance for you and me, and all is written down in His book about our lives – our Life-book. He determined our Godly purpose on earth and according to that, He spoke certain Words over our lives… Living Words! All these Living Word are recorded in our Life-Book as well.
As I scrolled through my Life-book, I realised that the content differed greatly from the books on the shelves. I got quite confused about the differences, but as I gave my thoughts to the Lord, He explained to me that the books in the shelves were written by our own free will and not by Him… So God was not the author of the books in the shelves, but it was written by myself. I was the author as I tried planning my own life. I made decisions based on what I wanted… to satisfy my fleshly desires, my own will… I didn’t consider the will of God and what He wanted for me, so I was not living the life God planned for me. In other words, the Book of life that God wrote about me, stayed closed, as it can only be opened by God when we are born again.
It’s so absurd how we make decisions without consulting God and after we have made the decision, we ask Him to bless our decision… how stupid and arrogant can we be! We are trying our best to write God’s blessings into our books, but it does’t work that way! We have to place our lives and our choices in the hand of the Lord and allow Him to make decisions for us. Only then will we be able to choose wise and live the life that God has already planned for us. Everything points back to Jesus’s words:
Searching the inner self…
Who is the author of your life? Do you have a pen in your hand, writing your own stories, obeying your fleshly desires, allowing your free will to reign your life? Are you deciding who you want to be… maybe following an idol, trying to be or look like someone else? (I don’t think we realise how much pressure we put on ourselves by trying to be someone else God created us to be…) Our free will and choices we make to satisfy our fleshy desires, builds a huge wall between us and God. As long as you have a pen in your hand, planning and writing your own life-stories, you are not living the will of God… you are not living the blessed life that God planned for you. That means that you are not reborn and the wonderful Life-Book God wrote about you, is still lying closed, which means that no Word that God has spoken over your life, can come alive and you will stay doomed.
We have to get rid of the pen in our hands; we have to stop planning and writing our own lives… we rather have to sacrifice ourselves, our lives and free will to God and ask for His will to control our lives. Our God is a good God that only wants the best for us, but therefor we have to sacrifice a contrite heart to God so He can open your wondrous Life-Book and let God transform you and your life according to His plan.